So the joys of French beurocracy have meant an 8 month wait to get our mitts on the keys, and this affords way too much idle Pinterest time…. As a result of this, and far too much exposure to “rose gold” and “Pantone colours of the year” I now firmly have ideas above my station. The front door has to be Brassica, the furniture Cornforth White, the dresser Dayroom yellow. Where Dulux used to be perfectly adequate I now need paint made by a company that sound like a firm of small town funeral directors. My husband sighs, the savings account groans, and my stomach drops as the lovely customer services lady tells me what the carriage will be to France. Then I panic buy another 2.5l of Estate eggshell finish just in case….. Oh god. I blame Kirstie Alsopp.

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