My Brexit Manifesto

I’m sick of it. All of it. Every single last bit.

Readers, I appreciate this is a massively passionate subject, so what follows are merely my opinions and ramblings. If you choose to take offence then I’m sorry, but right now I’m blogging as therapy, I need to vent. Think of it as freedom of speech, if you have opposite opinions then please challenge me. I invite it. I welcome it.

I have watched so much BBC parliament over the last few days. Hours and hours and hours of live debate. Blustering and pontificating from corned-beef coloured double-barrelled hedge fund managers that couldn’t give two shits about anything other than how they personally can benefit from this situation.

Let’s start with why I think people should have a second say.

Yes, I believe in democracy, of course I do. This is not driven by “you lost, get over it” sour grapes but by the fundamental truth that the public were lied to pre referendum.

Lie 1. £350+ million per week will go to our NHS. – Bullshit detector going mad. Putting something in big letters on the side of a bus does not make it true. It also doesn’t remotely take into account EU subsidies that massively benefit rural communities, and would hit counties like Cornwall the hardest.

Lie 2. Turkey will soon join the EU. Bullshit. One of the cornerstones of EU membership is a stable democratic government. Turkey had a military coup a couple of months after the vote. It’s just laughable.

Lie 3. The deal will be the easiest to make in history. How’s that one panning out?

Lie 4. They need us more than we need them. We’re an Island. We don’t grow Seville Oranges or indeed make the majority of our insulin. See lie 3.

Lie 5. A massively complicated issue could be compartmentalised into a yes or no cross in a box.

Lie 6. Rupert Murdoch’s media group. Basically any chip rag that will still share the aspirational dreams of a 19 year old called Chantelle on its 3rd page.

Add to this a myriad of other little fibs, and the charismatic rakish Jackanory merchant Boris Johnson talking about how bent your bananas are and what you can call a biscuit and the next thing we all want to start measuring in furlongs and bushels and making potato peel pie. FFS.

That bent banana thing. The thing I had a row with a young solicitor about when I asked him to give me one reason why he voted leave. It’s not even a thing. In Procurement we call this a product specification, a legally binding document that sets out and grades a product by weight, size, smell, appearance, to ensure you get what you pay for. Every single item a company buys for food production or sale has one, to ultimately protect you the consumer. But damn those blooming unelected Eurocrats – grrrr. By the way, I literally can’t move for banana groves in the U.K. so why do you even give a rats ass?

There’s a Tweet that David Davis, (so crap they almost named him twice) made at the time of the vote – “if a democracy cannot change its mind, then it ceases to be a democracy”. Let’s think about that shall we. Not being able to change our mind would be like us having the same Head of State until they died. No 4 yearly elections. Donald Trump in power until his McDonalds riddled colon explodes. The British people couldn’t even be trusted to name a damn boat, but the powers that be still over-ruled Boaty McBoatface.

The only thing that has ever really gotten my goat with the EU are the fishing quotas. But one of our representatives, inane grinning, pint swilling ball-bag of the people, Donald Trump pen pal and member of European Parliament Nigel Farage, only turned up once in 3 years to the 42 meetings held when he was a member of the Parliamentary fisheries committee. Greenpeace state that in the 3 major votes to improve the fisheries legislation, he failed to vote once in favour of doing so. Way to go Nige!

So this is my manifesto.

1). Anyone that has ever started a sentence with “I’m not racist but,” has to have a facial tattoo and be forcibly repatriated to the Hebrides. One of the ones that’s essentially just a rock and a load of Puffins.

2). Mandatory geography lessons to explain that Syria is outside the EU.

3). Politicians have to truthfully answer every direct question. Similar to the Jim Carey film Liar Liar.

4). Rupert Murdoch and James Dyson get to share a cell in the tower and the same soap on a rope.

5). Jacob Rees-Mogg to be confined to just portraying a politician on the next season of Poldark, where his views will be cutting edge, and he can wear a jaunty tri-corn hat and repeal the Corn Laws.

Vote for me, I’ve fixed it.

P.S. please let Laura Kuenssberg home to see her family, I swear she sleeps upside down in the rafters of the House of Commons.

Let’s see what next week brings.



  1. Hope you feel better for your rant, say it like it is, I agree with every word. Oh and the straight banana thing, my French neighbour nearly fell off her chair crying with laughter when I explained that to her. We’ve just had a week skiing, staying in a catered chalet with lovely English hosts who work for food, accommodation, seasonal lift pass and a few peanuts. The ski areas of Europe are full of British ‘cheap’ labour and next year the whole system will collapse as very few will be able to afford to ski with all staff, I guess Europeans rather than Brits, having to be paid at least a minimum wage and have two days off a week. 😡. We’re still not sure if we will be able to continue our French dream, only time will tell 😥.


    • Aw thankyou. We are just the same, but we’re here, we’ll apply for everything we need to and we’ll cross our fingers and toes. What else can we do (apart from rant occasionally) 😀 xx


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