Phobias

Does anyone else suffer from a phobia? I don’t mean a tangible fear of something that might actually hurt you, I mean an irrational, but none the less crippling fear of an insignificant thing. Worms, moths pigeons, mice, tomato ketchup? I’m sure I saw a documentary once about the last one….. For me it’s spiders. It’s 2.00am, we’ve moved into the big house, it’s a huge milestone, and what should be happiness has led to tears tonight. Fear of change perhaps, leaving my spider free bubble next door, where there hasn’t been a single one for almost a year. Over-tiredness certainly is a factor, we’ve been on a mission this week house-wise and it’s taking its toll. Hormones too, why not, let’s throw that one in there. This is the first night I’ve slept in the big house. With the exception of 2 panels in the front door, I can’t make the mesh bug screens fit. The windows open inwards, but all have an overhang at the bottom, so the self adhesive ones are having none of it. Upstairs an open window for the same reason, means completely open curtains. I’ve tried to wedge it open (with some pink dumbbells no less, it’s nice they’re finally getting some use), but the house feels like a sauna. Not helping. I need to make some external framed bug screens, which might help my anxiety a bit. Trouble is, entire house is above a spidery cellar, below a spidery attic, and next to a spidery barn. My brain is being a little bitch with those facts tonight and I hate it. So here I am, knackered, yet wide awake.

There’s also a special place in hell reserved for people that take negative money on the TV quiz “The Chase”, and those that share pictures of their massive spiders on Facebook. I can happily be reading before bed, scroll into one of those horror pics with no warning and it’s game over sleep-wise for me. I’ve even had good friends send me hideous videos of spider infestations and the like, trying to be funny, but it’s absolutely bastard not. It’s miserable feeling this way, and I hate it. Facebook France forums get off on this sort of content, and I’ve muted all of them for 30 days. Between creatures and Brexit hell, I just can’t deal.

I’m sure plenty of you reading this will think it pathetic, and you’d be right, so do I. I don’t for a minute think they’ll hurt me in some way. I can only describe it as a debilitating sickening dread at the shape of them, the way they move, and the thought of them getting on me.

Believe me, it’s not a conscious fun-filled choice.

I’m hopeful that this’ll pass once I see that there isn’t a daily infestation, and my usual routine of citrus and lavender scents, repellent etc, and cleaning every nook and cranny like a nut job, will work.

For now though, I just need sleep. Jog on overthinking!

Here’s a bonus pic of another of today’s milestones, patio furniture is out of the barn!!

TTFN xx

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