Journal Fri 22nd August

Morning all. For once I was awake before the bulldog this morning. 5.45am, he followed shortly after 6, and off into the dark we went. It’s unusual for him to want to go into the back garden now in a morning, but when he does, it’s always when it’s pitch black. Not ordinarily a problem, and in winter months we have head torches for this very purpose, but when you haven’t remembered to pick up your phone and it’s dark, and he’s a black dog, sigh…. Add into proceedings he doesn’t see or hear well now, and after his morning ablutions has a tendency to skirtle off (it’s a skitter and scuttle combination), away from the scene of the crime at speed. You focus on picking up anything that needs picking up for like 3 seconds, and when you glance up, gone. He can still hurtle off at speed when the mood takes him, but fortunately will probably end up “ladybirding”, on his back with 4 paws in the air, where he now just patiently waits to be righted. Our garden has a slight slope and my boy does not take well to an adverse camber. Yesterday, hubs had one job, to just watch him while I went to check the trail cam. I looked up, and hubs, engrossed in his phone had not noticed Shelly had followed me and was in aforementioned ladybird position once more….

God I was clumsy yesterday. On the sort of scale that the temptation to go back to bed and pull the duvet over my head and hide was pretty compelling. I am quite clumsy anyway, but I’ve found with peri-menopause I’ve become a one-woman bull in a china shop.

I started to feed the menagerie. We have 2 plastic beakers to measure dog food, and this dog food is dry kibble kept in a large grey bin in the pantry. Filled them both, and somehow juggled one against the side of the bin and sent it spinning. Kibble skywards, under shelves, in the mop bucket, bastard everywhere. I said a worse word than that, and swept everything up. Went to find the cat for a cuddle in the living room shortly after. A pursuit ensued because turns out a cuddle wasn’t on the cats to-do list just then, and with one sashay of a fleeing tail, a full beaker of water went flying into one of the dogs beds. Another bad word ensued. I figured there would be a third thing because that’s the way of the universe right? You betcha! While I’m cleaning the bathroom, just a slight nudge from my hefty butt on the little bathroom cabinet we have, and a load of vintage apothecary bottles toppled onto the floor. RIP the tiny pill bottle labeled as “Bilious Pills”. I got the dustpan and brush again. Thinking that I was now released from clumsy corner, I continued to clean, and moved everything out of the downstairs loo to clean the floor. This included the loo brush. I even thought to myself, I’d better not knock that over. I bet you can’t guess what happened next. Of course that involved then having to disinfect the floor and the mop and bucket as well, because ew. I am a danger to myself and others and shouldn’t be allowed out without a supervising adult.

It is our bbq with the neighbours tonight. I’m sure I’ll relax into it, but there is some familiar anxiety around saying the wrong thing and regret as ever about my French not being good enough. I have not done the work I’m ashamed to say and I need to do better. I do very much like the idea of applying for citizenship one day but my language skills fall way short of the required threshold. If nothing else to try to protect ourself from any future right-wing government that might decide we’re unwelcome, plus of course, get our freedom of movement back because of the B word. We are entitled to a 10 year visa when our WARP is due for renewal next year. The word on the street is (unsurprisingly), the system isn’t yet in place to deal with the renewals, and on a prefecture by prefecture basis the attitude wildly varies. It “should” be a straightforward exchange, without needing a huge dossier of evidence. We’ll see shall we?

“Create a highly detailed, high-resolution image depicting a humorous scene of a clumsy pet owner interacting with a playful bulldog in a cozy, slightly chaotic home environment. The setting should show the owner, a middle-aged woman, looking sheepish and surrounded by scattered dog kibble and overturned water bowls. The bulldog, a black and white breed, should be on its back in a “ladybird” position, looking adorable and carefree. Capture warm morning light streaming through a window, casting soft shadows and highlighting the lighthearted chaos. Ensure sharp focus on both the woman and the bulldog, showcasing their expressions and the humorous details of the scene”.

TTFN,

V x

I mean, sign up for the AI images alone.