Hi folks, it would be easy to post pictures of sunny alfresco lunches and how everything is just great, but we all know reality is somewhat different. This week I have really struggled with all of it, moving, France, third dog, money, just all of it.

The addition of Freya to the family has been a double edged sword. It’s hard work integrating a new family member, but she’s doing brilliantly, Cleo’s now achieved the level of casual ambivalence towards her which is Cleo’s way, but I’m suffering terrible guilt because my lovely little man seems really sad and won’t interact with her when she tries to play. I think all of this has been exacerbated by me not sleeping well on her first few nights with us which makes me over emotional and just sends my anxiety spiralling. I can be shattered, head hitting pillow exhausted, only for the all too familiar chest thumping and crushing weight of overthinking absolutely everything preventing sleep.

The last few days have been better though.

We have a few issues, firstly travelling in the car is stressful, clipping 3 dogs into seatbelts on harness just results in anxious tangled dogs within minutes. You want to do the right thing, keep them safe and restrained in case of accident but I honestly think you have a higher likelihood of injury should you break sharply if one of your dogs is tangled in their harness. I know this is a temporary thing, the plan is to buy a 4 wheel drive, left hand drive something or other, which will be more appropriate for the dogs and France, but we’re not there yet.

We also cannot safely leave them together alone for any period, Freya is still very new to the family and until she has my full trust, they all need to be supervised at all times. Cleo and Shelly remain my priority. There have been no signs of aggression or anything but still, it’s not happening. Plus everything is new to Freya, she needs constant supervision so she doesn’t chew anything inappropriate or steal food etc. She’s really receptive to training and her recall is improving daily, lots to learn though. She’s still understandably in need of reassurance so will follow anyone leaving the room.

It means things that we’d taken for granted such as a joint trip to the supermarket or cinema are for the moment impossible. As a result we’ve cancelled our kitchen design appointment because we can’t leave them and then Craig’s away for a straight fortnight, also stressing me out at the moment with everything we have going on.

We’re struggling to get some advice on national insurance in France which is frustrating us, financial advisors either don’t reply, or don’t care because we don’t have a casual million to invest. We found one that would help but for €1500-2000. Just for advice! We’re still working on it but it’s bothering us.

Yesterday for the first time I asked if we were doing the right thing. Up until the last couple of weeks I was always so sure but I had a major wobble. The reality of the for-sale board is bringing home the complete lack of anything resembling a plan b. So France continues to be the focus.

It’ll be alright in the end right? I’m going to suspend all further anxiety until the house sells. But then my brain goes, what if it sells, what if it doesn’t sell!!?! We only have 2 viewings booked for the open day next weekend which is disappointing. But it is half term holidays and people will be away, I’ll worry about it nearer the time.

I tell myself anything worth doing isn’t easy. And breathe….

TTFN x