The Yorkshire Glutton, and other stories….

Dear sweet reader, I swear I’m going to need a girdle soon, I’m actually longing for salad.

I’ve had a whistle stop week here in Leeds, surprising the Mothership for her birthday today. She had no idea I was coming, I couldn’t even make much by way of plans beforehand for fear of an accidental security leak. There I was after a delayed flight, and a long sweaty queue for immigration due to multiple arrivals at once at Leeds Bradford Airport. Ta-dah! You’ll remember that hubs installed a ring doorbell on our last visit, so I’m there gurning into the camera, thinking she’ll take a look on her echo dot before answering and it’ll be me, doing a little jig. Nope, she didn’t even look at it, me there doing a little merry hornpipe on the doorstep for passing traffic, and an oblivious Mothership! I should have videoed her face because it was an absolute picture. I thought I might have to reassure her that I hadn’t in fact left the other half, turning up on the doorstep with a large suitcase out of the blue, but she basically said don’t be ridiculous, I knew that wasn’t likely! Ah, she loves the hubs.

Apart from a lovely bit of time with the Mama, mainly watching Swamp People, Mountain Men, and having bastard Gogglebox give away the ending of Line of Duty, I have eaten a lot!!

Bank holiday Monday, was a little daytime sesh in some of my favourite haunts, The Belgrave Music Hall, and Headrow House. Damn I’d forgotten how much drinking in Leeds costs. After my first £7 pint, it came rushing back to me, but was a lot of fun. The people watching particularly, when all I usually see are cows, was spectacular. Firstly, a lot of lip filler, secondly bum bags are back?, as are unflattering high waisted stonewashed jeans (the sort your Mum would buy from C&A and iron creases down the front the day before non uniform day). Special award to the young gentleman that was so self assured, that he was out with a toothbrush in his back jeans pocket. This toothbrush was bristles down, gently grazing the faux leather bench, which will have been in contact with half the arses in Leeds. Given that the #metoo movement seems to have passed him and his little litter of sexist piglets by, we wished him a speedy herpes/pink-eye combo. Bully’s Special Prize though, goes to the girl flying solo, drinking a pint, and reading a Penguin Classics copy of Lolita.

Then fried chicken at Yard and Coop, washed down with an Old Fashioned. My rare foray into chicken didn’t agree with me at all, hideous stomach cramps within 15 minutes, haven’t eaten any since.

Finally bought some Doc Marten boots, after a 20 year hiatus, I lived in them pre, during and post grunge. My last pair were green and resplendent with 2 pairs of contrasting tartan laces, as was the law of the late eighties/early nineties. Helen, if you’re reading this, Thankyou for rocking them when I saw you a few weeks ago, you reminded me how much I loved them. I went with vintage cherry red, and I am not sorry. I’ve now been rocking them all week, and given I’m nearly 44 and someone asked me for the wi-fi code in Crowd of Favours yesterday, I’m taking that as Doc Martens and tattoos for the win. No plans thus far to grow old gracefully ta!

Tuesday night was Bella Italia with one of my oldest and most beloved of friends, cheesy mushrooms, a lovely risotto and pud plus hours of chatting. So much chatting in fact, there are no food photos. 😘😘 😂

Wednesday was shopping at the Piece Hall in Halifax with big sis, and a smoked Haddock rarebit topped with Poached Egg at Elder. The Piece Hall some of you may have seen recently on Antiques Roadshow, its recent restoration means great disabled access, with slopes and lifts, perfect for my sis.

Thursday, eye-test (slight change in one eye, the other is the same), then yet another lunch in town having a catch up, this time at the Lost and Found. Pollen crusted cured salmon with lemony cream cheese goodness was delish, so was the smoked haddock and pea risotto, sadly pudding took an age and we had to cancel, but they gave us 25% off the bill so never mind!

Friday, Ikea coffee and breakfast pudding, with big sis for more solar lights for the garden, then Leeds for lunch with my 3 most favouritest ex-work colleagues at the Lamb and Flag, several most excellent beers too, including a Jam Donut IPA. The afternoon went too fast, so fast I forgot to photo my beetroot and walnut burger, which was beaut.

Plus a proper Indian takeaway, after mum tried to order Spaghetti bolognese (yep, spaghetti bolognese) from a takeaway menu so old it was practically etched onto slate in cuneiform. I did wonder why a naan bread was just £1.30…… We were informed they hadn’t done spag Bol for like 20 years 😂.

Saturday, lunch at the Calverley Arms for the mamas birthday, scallops in a roasted red pepper sauce, mezze and a chocolate tart, with a butterscotch panacotta. Aaaaaand…..birthday cake. Aaaaaaand 2 Aperol spritzes. Phew.

Now we pack 😭

I’ve had to borrow some luggage scales from next door, I’m fearful for my case weight…. I didn’t think I’d bought too much stuff, but I shall see tomorrow morning.

I guess I’ll have to stop calling everyone “my love” and “petal” now.

I’m certainly travelling home in my Docs, so if you’re behind me in the queue for security, tough fromage…….

TTFN xxx

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