So there I am, brushing my teeth in the bathroom (where else), minding my own business, when I hear a sort of scrabbling noise. My first thoughts are that it could just be the rather old chest freezer in the pantry making odd noises. Its is desperate need of defrosting but it’s always rammed to the gills so a concerted effort is needed to empty it. I guess I’ll be googling recipes for frozen plums then…….

I stand in the doorway quietly trying to assess. The noise is coming from the corner of the room for sure. As I inch closer, a little brown bum complete with little pink tail, trots across one of the shelves. I’m not rodent averse, I had a pet mouse called Waynetta when I was younger, but I confess that I involuntarily put my hand over my mouth like a giggling Japanese schoolgirl. I hastily shut the door and began to regroup. I had to strip the shelves off the racking so I could pull the racking out, clean it, and determine point of entry. Soo much clutter had accumulated in there, half filled tins of paint, DIY stuff, too much recycling, and definitely too many hoarded glass jars and plastic bottles for various applications. Enough! I relocated everything to where it belonged, the barn mainly, and sure enough, the little blighters had been nibbling on my pea seeds, my full box has dwindled to half full, and I’ve only planted a dozen. They hadn’t even ventured on to the shelves where the food lives at the other side, judging by where the poo was. I pulled the second racking out and there it is, a little Tom and Jerry style hole in the skirting board right in the corner. I did what I usually do in such circumstances, went to Pinterest for inspiration. Poking wire wool in the hole seemed to be popular choice, so on my hands and knees with a pan scrub and a chopstick, packing it into the hole. There was a little bit of a gap under the skirting and I didn’t want to encourage a new hole, so I got a few ceramic tiles that were taken up when we did the dining room floor, and butted them up against the skirting, wedged in place by the racking and an old Weightwatchers cookery book that is never to see the light of day again. “Take 500g of powdered sweetener and mix in a tub of quark”, nah – you’re alright. That’s a much a cheesecake, as I am a Kardashian.

I disinfected everything and put stuff back on the shelves, although I need to find something more robust to hold my seeds, I might get a couple of those fancy tins, as they’re currently in my massive Tupperware cake box, and they don’t all fit. Touch wood, as of this morning there is no sign of rodenty life.

Typically, where were the cats when they were needed? Nowhere to be found. I shouted, I meowed (yes I meow to get the cats to come inside – what of it?), I rattled a pack of Felix Party Mix. Nope. My resident murdering squad were up to kitty business elsewhere, not where I needed them to be deployed. I am surrounded by animals that are wholly indifferent to my needs, and it’s not good enough. Perhaps I need an emotional support goat…….

Laters…… V x