I went to the dentist today. I am only really phobic about 2 things, the dentist and spiders. Although, not best keen on jumping off a tourist boat into the sea when you’re on holiday, I’m the one that holds everyones cameras and watches, while I remain on board sweaty and grumpy and they return all refreshed. Meh!. I digress……

I had been dreading it, I have phantom tooth and jaw ache almost perpetually, I think I hold a lot of tension in my face and this is how it manifests. I’m constantly convinced something is happening under each and every filling, but I had a good check up, and when I asked for a full set of x-rays because I’m a neurotic hell beast, he told me that I only had them a year ago, nothing happens that fast, and they are recommended every 3 years. OK then. I need to try and stop stressing. He progressed to tell me I had a bit of scale going on and off he went with the Dremmel like he was cleaning verdigris off a garden gate. Meanwhile, in true French style, the lovely receptionist (yes a lovely Dental receptionist – they do exist!) is also the dental nurse. He was 5 minutes in before she came back from her desk and started with the suction thing. By then it was too little too late, and I felt like I was having a light water-boarding. Thankfully after not too much time, the overhead light went off and the chair came back up. Now in my UK dentists, there is the little spit bowl thing, but it’s always been running with water or disinfectant, this wasn’t, and it was pristine. In a moment of pure Britishness, and not wanting to spit inappropriately, I did a Tom and Jerry style gulp and swallow of all the manky debris that had just been excavated. I thought I was going to hurl, but managed pleasantries with the receptionist, produced various cards, paid and legged it. How I bitterly regretted not leaving the house with my water bottle (I don’t like to buy bottled water anyway – plastic, but especially now with Covid), so some trusty Tic Tags in the centre console of the car actually saved my life today.

Even finding the dentist isn’t easy, I’m thankful for being shown by the MIL otherwise – no chance. A nondescript ancient door off the main street, leads into a private courtyard with another ornate door. This opens onto a very grand staircase (at least it would have been once upon a time), and at the top of a flight of stairs is a closed off veranda filled with mighty cobwebs and with a floor I wouldn’t be happy standing on, this gives way to a view of a garden with a basketball hoop. Up another flight of stairs and there you are, at a very plain wooden door with no window, and the kind of locks you’d expect a drug dealer to have on Line of Duty. It’s all just a bit odd. Yet, just totally normal.

I did a shop afterwards, I can report that it will allow you to tick 2 boxes on your attestation by the way. Came back, had lunch, involving a surimi and pineapple coleslaw salad thing. Should be wrong, but actually pretty good, but dear France, could you stop putting ham in everything – especially the coleslaw. Many thanks.

I’ve brought in the washing, and actually washed the car, because using the rear reversing camera was like watching a scene from the Blair Witch Project……

Laters…… V x